She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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