fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
