im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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