i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
