I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
