I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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