My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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