the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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