the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
