I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
