i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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