Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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