I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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