He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
