The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Buhtt sex?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
