she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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