Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
