I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
