Buhtt sex?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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