just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
