I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
