Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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