I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
