I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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