Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
