you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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