i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
