she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
