is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
