i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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