she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
