you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
then he tried to convert me to islam
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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