He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
