i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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