did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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