I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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