So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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