you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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