I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
