well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
we're so committed to being not committed
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
