Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
