Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
