matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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