My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
