I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
