you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
