So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
