A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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