I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
