I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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