porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
