He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
