I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
